If relationships aren’t on TV, they’re unfolding right in front of us. Hand-holding, laughter, lingering gazes—these glimpses of intimacy often stir quiet longings in the hearts of single believers who desire a God-honoring marriage. While countless books, articles, and podcasts urge singles to wait well and remain encouraged, few speak to the body of Christ about how to be an encouragement to those in that season. Singleness, though sacred, can feel isolating. It can surface temptations and questions that are hard to voice. And yet, Scripture calls us to bear one another’s burdens, to build each other up in love. But how can we do that if we don’t understand the weight our fellow brothers or sisters are carrying? This article seeks to bridge that gap—offering biblical insight and practical truth to help you encourage us as marriage-desiring believers with grace, empathy, and spiritual clarity.

You might’ve heard the single in Christ express their loneliness, and it can seem like we haven’t taken this to God or are not acknowledging God’s word of comfort and contentment spoken of in Scripture. As a single believer, I even heard, in response to hearing my lamenting in weak moments, as a vouch of encouragement, “Singleness is a gift from God.” This is a concept based on  1 Corinthians 7:7-8.  Paul states that it is “good” for one to remain single, as they can do more for the cause of Christ, even desiring that others would be single like him.” However, the “gift” stated in verse 7 refers to celibacy, not singleness. Saying “singleness is a gift from God” can unintentionally brush over genuine emotional struggles and longings. The sentence “I feel alone” can be interpreted by some as “I needed to get married yesterday to feel complete, whole, and okay.” While this interpretation can be accurate for some, the expression of loneliness can also conceal the need for a listening ear and community. 

For the sake of this article, let’s say this is meant in a marital partnership way, like most interpret it to mean. Most of us, as single believers, are fully aware that we are not alone and understand that this is a temporary feeling. The Bible comforts us all by stating, in various forms, “God will never leave or forsake you.” All believers owe an eternal debt of gratitude to God for that truth.  However, even David, one of the kings of Israel, a friend of many, and a husband, finding himself alone said, “Look to the right and see: no one stands up for me; there is no refuge for me; no one cares about me” in Psalm 142:4. If God makes room for lamenting like that in Scripture, it’s ok for us to do the same in our seasons of loneliness as well. The Bible calls every believer to be content (Philippians 4:11) and to seek God’s kingdom first (Matthew 6:33). Yet, these verses are often only spoken to those who are single — sometimes directly, and other times wrapped in the familiar phrase, ‘Just focus on God, and your spouse will come.’ While these scriptures hold profound truth and comfort, they can sometimes feel like a quick fix — as if contentment should come instantly, or longing should simply disappear. The Old Testament gives an example of a woman named Hannah who found herself in a similar situation, longing for a child (1 Samuel 1). Scripture describes Hannah as a married woman who, at the beginning of this chapter, was barren and, by the end, was blessed with one of the most memorable prophets of the Old Testament. However, what’s often overlooked in this story of Hannah is what she did and what she endured while she waited. For years, she obediently went with her husband to make a sacrifice to God, more than likely hearing children laugh and play- no doubt adding to her pain. On top of that, she had to deal with the mockery and inconsideration concerning her bareness from those around her (1 Samuel 1:5-7).

Her husband even goes as far as to say, “Hannah, why are you crying?”…” Why are you troubled? Am I not better to you than ten sons?” as if she wasn’t grateful for him (v. 8). Now you might say or think, “What does all this have to do with singleness?” We, as single believers, often endure our own doubts about God fulfilling the desires He has given us, just as Hannah did. We too deal with the mockery of satan and the fallen world for following God’s way and may encounter gentle misconceptions from those who desire to encourage but view it through a different phase in life. 

To give insight into the kind of encouragement we, as single believers, sometimes need and desperately desire from our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, let’s look at how the priest Eli eventually responded to Hannah after hearing her explain her reasons for pouring out her heart to God about her longing, judged by him to be done in such an obscene way. Scripture says that initially, when Hannah went to the temple deeply hurt and in tears, pleading with God to remember her and her affliction, Eli at first assumes Hannah was drunk and even states, “How long are you going to be drunk? Get rid of your wine!” (v. 9-15). Hannah’s experience calls to mind the deep longing all people feel at some point in life, a pain written across our faces and heard in our silence. Yet like the experience of the single believer, Hannah’s grief was misunderstood by those around her. But after Eli the priest stopped trying to correct her and just listened to her pain, he gained a better understanding of what Hannah was going through, leading him to then pray for her, saying, “may the God of Israel grant the request you’ve made of him.”

You may say, “Well, if my words don’t help, then I can’t help.” There is another solution. One of the best things you can do for a believer who is single and desires marriage is just to be there. The Bible says in Romans 12:15 to “rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief].” Grief is often tied to the death of a loved one. But it also arises from the loss of a life we envisioned for ourselves—especially in the quiet ache of failed or nonexistent relationships, a sorrow rarely named. And anyone who has truly grieved knows: sometimes, words only deepen the wound, which also can be said for the grief we singles face in our seasons of loneliness. 

Most know and can identify with Job in Scripture, who’d lost just about everything of value to him. One moment in particular I want to reference in the story of Job is the scene when his friends finally saw him for the first time after he had just lost everything. Scripture states, “When they looked from a distance, they could barely recognize him. They wept aloud, and each man tore his robe and threw dust into the air and on his head. Then they sat on the ground with him seven days and nig. Still, no no one spoke a word to him because they saw that his suffering was very intense” (Job 2:11-13). Notice what they didn’t do in this moment. They didn’t say, “well at least you still have your wife” in response to the loss of his kids nor did they reply, “You can always start over with your life” in light of the loss of his animals, crops, and servants. Instead, they saw their friend grief-stricken and joined him. In fact, it was when they began talking to remedy or add their own opinions to his situation to fix it that his problems and grief were exacerbated.

Am I saying never to advise your single brothers and sisters? No. Could you remind your single brothers and sisters that they aren’t alone? Sure. Could you tell them to be grateful? Yup. Do they need to be reminded of these things? Absolutely. What I’m saying, though, before applying words, as your first line of defense against our loneliness or grief, sometimes just walking with us during those seasons is what we need most. Some of the most helpful moments come after you listen- after you’ve made room for feelings you can’t fix, after you’ve prayed with and for us concerning our desires, and simply just being present in our grief.